The First Rape.

I was 15 and had my first real job, working at a neighborhood vegetable market about a mile and a half from home.  I don’t remember how I got the job but it was more than just mowing my neighbor’s yard or painting fences.  I thought it was pretty cool, setting up the produce, dealing with customers.  It only lasted a few months.

Late one Saturday, during a lull in traffic, a group of five young men came in and decided that I looked good enough to be raped.  Yeah.  The highlight of my day to be sure.  They were all either late teens or early 20s.  The leader and another guy forced me into the back room while the other three hung out out front.  Why there was a cot, I have no clue but there was a cot in the back room.

The leader undoubtedly went onto a career in porn.  He was bigger than my forearm and as I was technically a virgin, he ripped me open but good.  When his buddy at the door heard me crying out so bad, he turned and saw I was covered in blood and thought the first guy was killing me so he made him stop and they all took off.  I guess rape was okay but killing was bad.

I considered myself fortunate that I only got raped by one guy.  Of course, I was living with the devil and his wife, and I couldn’t tell them.  I would have gotten a beaten for getting raped; I honestly would’ve.
I was naive enough that I thought, well, I could probably lose my job, so I just cleaned myself up the best I could and walked on home the best I could.  I needed stitches.  I still have scars.  I lived.  I never told.  I’m lucky I didn’t get a disease or get pregnant.
I guess my point is…it didn’t seem like a real big deal to me, you know?  It should’ve been a really big fucking deal but, somehow, it just wasn’t.  Living in a house where I had been getting molested since I was 6 years old, by an old man in his 60s, his adopted son who was 4 years older than me, and a few times when I was 6, by his 18-year-old adopted daughter had left me a bit jaded.  So, rape by a stranger ain’t so bad, right?
Hey, World, is that all you got?

I quit my job.  I was ashamed and didn’t even tell the nice lady why.  Suck it up.  Move on.

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