The Charmin Diaries.

Day 1:  I am so happy to be out of that blasted plastic wrapper.  Yes!  I fit quite nicely on this spinning cylinder and it makes me happy to spin in circles.  Wheeeeeeeeeeee….I am looking forward to my job as a notepad, taking notes for all kinds of important things.  Oh boy!  This is going to be so exciting!

Day 2:  My job is, um, well, it is not quite what I expected and totally does not fit the job description that I was told about by that beauty, Angel Soft, whom I thought found me attractive in my neat white suit.  And I find that I am not as happy to be out of the plastic wrapper as I initially thought I would be…

Day 3:  Okay, if I have to wipe that guy’s ass one more time, I swear I am going to scream.  I am losing weight rapidly.  Wow!  Way less than half of my original size, my future seems quite bleak at this moment.  Dark depression sets in…

Day 4:  Barely enough strength to turn on the spinning cylinder.  One good thing, though, I have grown used to the smell of urine and feces and don’t even care anymore whose ass I’m wiping.  Just wait until I see that bitch Angel Soft again.

Day 5:   I can smell cardboard…



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