Options…

Today is a new day and the options are endless. I believe my love has diabetes yet she refuses to get tested. I know she’s scared, heck I’m scared a lot but this is important to me. I went to the doctor for her, without hesitation, without a question. Yet when I asked the same of her this morning, she flat refused, with no reason given. I do not understand. She has grandchildren too. Wish she could see how important this is, how I don’t want my feelings negated, how powerless I’ve let myself become. I am someone. I am valid.

My heart rises and falls,
in breathless anticipation
of your next move.
Will you choose to live,
or leave without warning.
I can’t comprehend
the incomprehensible.
I am strong
but I can’t fight your fight.
I have lived,
I have learned,
I know now;
I can’t save the world
and I can’t save you.
Why should I continue
when you obviously don’t care?
Suddenly my insignificance
wells up into my eyes,
cascading down my face,
my fears falling on deaf ears,
needing you so completely,
if only to satisfy my own heart’s desire.
How oh how I wish you needed me the same.
But then again
maybe you have unused options
that I know nothing about,
seeing as I’m only human.

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5 thoughts on “Options…

  1. Can you ask her about her reasons, her fears, setting your fears aside and asking as neutrally as you can be? Sometimes fears said out loud can be eye opening.. Let her vent the fears. (Let me know if you’re still getting bogus emails, and thanks again.)

    • She has no reason. I did ask. “I don’t want to.” Wow, really? Okay. But that isn’t a reason. How come you don’t to? “I just don’t want to.” and promptly got mad at me, and left the room. End of discussion. (I’m not a faithful email reader so it may be tomorrow before I go back in there but will let you know.)

      • Fear is hard to reason with…a mind-altering state, indeed. Know it too well myself. Sending you both good thoughts. I’m sure she’s not meaning as a personal attack. Sounds like you have the wisdom to leave space for whatever is inside her causing the fear. What more can one do?

  2. There’s always a reason. Perhaps some information on how diabetes is treated and the positive leaflets and knowledge may help her come to a healthy decision. Sometimes the fear is a lot deeper than the no reason and it could be a number of things holding her back. Good luck lady.

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