Cheeseburger, cheeseburger

Today is undoubtedly Cheeseburger day. I mean, I had one for breakfast and just now another one for lunch. Very little imagination went into either meal. Toast the bread a little, mayo and mustard (mixed together until it’s this perfect light lemony yellow color), and some sharp cheddar that I just shaved off the block, didn’t even melt it. That way, it’s easier to eat before the hamburger is done – I know that seems wrong and plus how can I call it a cheeseburger, you ask. Well, at least a one-inch square makes it onto the hamburger, geez, and that makes it a cheeseburger. Plus I love cheese. YUM. I mean, who doesn’t? Put your hand down, that’s just crazy talk. It’s YUM, I said. And sharp cheddar, I mean, dear God, well, now you’ve got me wanting cheese and here I am chewing gum already. Damn it.

I’ll bet you can’t guess what I’m having for dinner. Yes, you in the back? That’s right, a cheeseburger. Except, because it’s DINNER, I’m putting romaine and tomato slices on it. Oh yeah, living large. Hey, the little woman is out of town and this is my meal of choice. Well, right behind bacon and sharp cheddar on toast; I had that twice yesterday. Hey, I’m practically a gourmet, you know. Okay, maybe not. If she’d been home, it would have been turkey burger, which is almost hamburger and clearly better for me, yada yada, something something, I don’t know, I quit listening but she’s not here, is she?! Oh yeah.

To be fair, I was going to sauté some purple onions with my lunch burger but then a friend of mine posted some article about onions being cut and stored in the fridge being ‘poisonous’ and obviously I didn’t want to eat something that wasn’t good for me. You know, I can hear you snickering, and it’s just rude. I am trying to take better care of myself. I didn’t eat a whole cake, did I, or go for ice cream? NOPE. *shifts halo over to one side* I mean, no hookers in the house, no porn, not even once. I’ve been a pretty good gal while she’s out of town. Which honestly is HUGE because I was always the one, but I’m too tired to be the one anymore, plus I love her.

So I’m just having a cheeseburger, chilling in her chair (because it’s way more comfortable than my chair and she may have to fight me for it now that I know that fact) and waiting patiently for the sound of her careening around the corner. Yeah, she drives like she’s being chased, and yet, would be the first one to yell at others for the same behavior. She’s a puzzle, the little woman is, a damn puzzle.  And that could be one of the thousands of reasons why I love her.


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