To Be or Not To Be…

So last night was date night.  We bought tickets to see a Shakespeare play.  Something I’d never done before.  I’ve been to see a play, I mean never a Shakespeare play.  Wow.  I kind of wish it had been in a foreign language.  I might have had a chance in understanding it but that’s whatever.  I’m getting ahead of myself in this story.  I never thought of myself as lowbrow before but maybe, just maybe I am.  I look that word up and it says, ” Lacking in refinement and good taste”.  Gosh, golly gee, that could be me if Shakespeare is the opposite.  But I digress.

We arrive early as there was a mention of “entertainment” before the play.  Oh, this is an outside seating thing, by the way.  Stone benches and all that, under the stars.  We brought comfy padded lawn chairs and could have sold them easily.  It was definitely warm when we arrived but as the evening drew on, I should have traded them for a blanket as I sat naively in my shorts, freezing to death.  But again, I’m way ahead here and getting off course. 

Upon arriving at the entrance, we spot a loveseat on the curb across the street.  It’s nothing we would have purchased, but for free, we couldn’t get out of our vehicle fast enough.  And it happened, we were driving our BRAND NEW TRUCK.  Yes, for the first time.  Date night, Shakespeare, and a BRAND NEW TRUCK!  The loveseat had silver legs and the built-in cushions are purple-y pinkish.  I don’t know a better word.  Magenta?  Not sure.  Again, nothing I would have paid for or even looked at or considered in the store, but for free, oh yeah.  We hoist it up in the truck and it’s two inches too long.  It’s a double cab, short bed truck.  So we wiggle it up a bit higher and close the tailgate.  As I park the truck, my thoughts are “Please don’t let it rain” and “Gee I hope no one steals this” as I think with anything left open in the back of a truck. 

We “enjoy” the play.  Actually we enjoyed the fire…people.  Terminology escapes me.  They walked in front of the stage juggling sticks of fire and doing handstands, etc.  There was a person on stilts and women with veils in shimmering outfits and jester type people.  Quite entertaining, those folks.  I’m sure to the highbrow crowd at large who knew the appropriate time to clap and stuff that we were the jesters of that crowd.  Anyway, we ate our grapes and enjoyed being out and about.  And amazingly, it did not rain and no one stole our beautiful, did I mention free and that we do not currently own a loveseat or a couch, salvaged piece of art. 

On the way home, we talked of where we would put our lovely find, how my girlfriend would take our little steam cleaner and make it completely wholesome and clean (although it honestly had no stains, no smells, yes I smelled it, what?  I wasn’t taking it home if it had formerly belonged to Pigpen.) and ours, all ours, for free.  FREE.  We chuckled, with mirth, with joy, with happiness.  Free.  On the curb.  Fate.  Divine intervention.  Oh how sweet it is.  Do do, do do dooo, la, la, la life is good.  It’s midnight by now and we are happy, sing along with me, happppppyyyy.

We crossed over the bridge into our complex and the little woman says to me, “Pull up out front and we’ll get the loveseat out of the back.”  Okay.  I pull up, get out as she opens the back door to grab her purse, and I look at the big empty space in the back of our truck.  “Honey”, I say, “it’s gone.”  We both stare at the empty space, our eyes meet and she says, tiredly as it’s midnight, “Well, I guess we don’t have to take it inside now.” 

For probably the next hour or more, I stared into the darkness of my ceiling and tried to pinpoint at what point in our drive did my vision become unblocked.  I cannot think of one place in that 30 miles where I could see out of my rear view mirror.  I would have sworn that it was there.  I certainly did not feel it leave the truck.  No one blew a horn at me on the interstate.  No one flashed their lights.  I blame Shakespeare.  To be or not to be.  I’m guessing it was not to be.  But then I’m quoting the wrong play.  We went to see Two Noble Kinsmen so let me quote that.  “Maiden pinks, of odour faint, Daisies smell-less, yet most quaint, And sweet thyme true.”  I don’t know what the hell they said.
Stupid loveseat.  Airborne and such shit.  What the hell?  I’m still in shock that it just “left the building” and made not a sound.  I think from now on, when I think of it, I’ll remember that beautiful free loveseat as ‘Elvis’.


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