Check, please.


Does anybody wanna check me for ticks? I found one on my leg last night, upper thigh, like he was working his way up. Scary thought. I mean, would I know if he’d gotten lucky? Could his brother be inside my uterus right now, and I wouldn’t know? Does one know things like that??? I mean, I went into the pool yesterday and that apparently didn’t discourage him, because I’m almost certain that he was there yesterday morning. I woke up with my leg itching but it’s the back of my leg so I couldn’t see what was itching. I asked the little woman to look. She says, “Hmm, you have a scab back there, that’s all I see.” And I believed her.

And it itched all day long and I scratched it, on and off, all day long. Last night I got a mirror and a flashlight and there he was! I call her, “Honey! Come see if this is a tick!”. “Oh, it sure is.” WHAT? NOW you can tell it’s a tick?! WTF? She’s like, “I thought it was a scab.” She is officially NOT in charge of searching me for ticks anymore. UGH. This makes me NOT want to go into the woods anymore for long hikes.

Just so you don’t think ONE tick scared me out of the woods. Um, more like 200 ticks. Three years ago and for two years in a row, I got ticks and chiggers from going hiking in the woods of North Carolina, both times in August. So during August for the past two years, I’ve stayed inside. The first year was definitely the worst. I was covered with a couple of hundred little tiny tick bites from literally between my toes to just above my hooha. Yes, that’s a technical term.

The doctor said they probably started at my ankles and then hitched a ride upward every time I went to the bathroom and PULLED MY PANTS DOWN. I mean, it’s an old habit, that pulling of my pants down to pee. WTF? Like he was inferring that it was “my fault” they were spreading on my body. *pauses here to think how in the hell I could have done this differently*

So if you have a solution, other than daily tick checks, please feel free to share. Apparently chlorinated water does not affect them. And their uncanny ability to pretend to be a scab (benefit of the doubt encircles this comment). I’ve had a mole ‘down there’ for years now – you don’t think…oh my God…you don’t think, do you??? Check, please!


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