So, the grandsons are coming. The 15-year old, the 6-year old and the one that’s a year and four months.
I told my daughter I would do my best to make sure all of them survived but I wondered if she had a favorite. She did not respond. I just know it’s the six year old. He’s got freckles, a gap-toothed smile and tilts his head adoringly, which is his way of saying a lot of different things – “You’re kidding me”, “Do I really have to do that?”, etc. I just want to eat his face but I don’t.
Of course, the 15-year old is fifteen years old. Sullen mostly, in love chronically and no one ever appreciates him for his natural body odor (read, he hates to shower for some reason).
The 16-month old still poops in his pants and doesn’t speak English yet, but he is pretty laid back. Skydiving versus running across an open field – pretty much on the same level so at this point, he’s a cheap date. A 30 cent bag of Cheetos and he couldn’t be happier.
They are staying for almost two weeks. I’m not sure I will survive but it is what it is. My gift to my daughter and son-in-law – it’s soon to be his birthday and they’ll actually have TIME ALONE. Of course, they live ten hard-driving hours from me and his parents live twenty minutes away and never watch the kids. Lazy bastards. That’s okay. I’m fine with being the “loved” Grandma, the one who flies down and goes to taikwondo practice while the local grandma couldn’t be bothered to go even once in three years. Lazy, I say.
So far I’ve made plans for a dozen things, nothing in concrete, and priced more activities than we could do in a month. Dozens I can’t afford. A few I can afford. A ton of free. But yeah, does anybody (read, kids) really like free activities? Well, that 16-month old will love running at the park and the 6-year old will love that too actually. Now if I can only convince the 15-year old that he loves it, I will be doing good.
My one on one time with each on will actually include driving practice with the 15-year old, although no one knows we’ll be doing this except Dad. I asked permission first, of course, and my insurance agent who said, “No problem, your car is covered.” Good to know. Crafts are what I’ll be doing with Mr. Cutie Pie Face; he is a pleaser and loves to make things for you, and for Mom, and for Dad, and for anybody else that he thinks he can elicit a smile from. And running while screaming, me and the 16-month old have got that covered.
I want to take them zip-lining in the mountains. Of course anything that isn’t free is clucked about by the girlfriend who seems to think every dime I earn is HERS. It isn’t, by the way; it’s OURS. But by ours, she means hers. But it’s whatever. She better hope she doesn’t leave me home alone or I’ll get tattoos and bring in hookers. Wait, I already did that. UGH.