Good for the Soul…

Confession is good for the soul, and, deep breath, here goes…

I just called my son-in-law and told him I put $50 in his bank account just now.  Well, in his joint account with my daughter.  I didn’t have to tell him why but I did and he understood because he’s a great guy.  And I told him to make sure she understood that this was important for me to do.

In 2006, I stole $500 from my daughter’s bank account.  It was so simple really.  The bank knew me; I’m a flirt, what can I say?  So when I walked in and pretended I could not remember the account number, they said, “No problem” and it was really no problem.  I did intend to redeposit it in a few days when I got paid but my ex-girlfriend stole my paycheck and spent it on drugs, which was what the $500 was for in the first place; really I can’t place the blame at her door for I am an adult and guilty as well.  Yes, I know.  I’m a royal piece of crap, or I was then.  I’m an entirely different person now. 

Needless to say, my daughter did not speak to me for…well, at least four years, although it felt like a much longer time.  In lesbian years, that’s actually about 17 years, I think.  These days we talk at least once a week, sometimes more, and she is bringing me my grandsons on my birthday, June 30th and I get them for 12 whole days and I couldn’t be happier. 

Why this act of conscience now?  Well, suddenly I’m not so sick anymore and I’m making more money, being productive, and this seemed like a good time to give back.  And $50 every few weeks will mean a lot to my self-esteem, and to them as they struggle to recover financially from first a flood in their house and then to my daughter’s accident in January. 

So, dear friends, that’s the deep dark truth.  And I cry as I type because I can not change the past.  I can only accept my personal responsibility for it.  Go on, throw feces at me like the other monkeys would if I were in the zoo; it’s really no more and no less than what I deserve.  I feel so stupid sometimes, ashamed really, and not at all perfect like I was going for. 

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3 thoughts on “Good for the Soul…

  1. We cannot change the past…only how we choose to live now. So, that compassion you feel for others and their plight…you can now use on yourself, for you deserve it. We all make mistakes and bad choices on this path…the mark of a true Warrior is accepting that, and ourselves, and then taking positive action…which you have done. No feces to throw here. You have done well and should be proud of that! Blessings!

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