Another one bites the dust.

Well, I’ve lost yet another ex-lover…this one to lung cancer.   Heck, I could have predicted that really.   When we were thick as fleas in our 20s, she had a raspy voice then, that I thought was so sexy.   Of course at 21, I’d barely heard of Bette Davis.   We smoked like we thought cigarettes might go out of style any minute.   Eventually I had the good sense to stop, as with all my other vices.   She did not.

She would have turned 58 about two weeks ago.

We’d lost touch over the years.   I last saw her in 2004, I think it was.   She still looked the same.   Tanned and weathered, raspy as always.   Our children shared three birthdays in a row – her daughter, my son, her son.   I’m sure her daughter doesn’t even remember me, but I’ll never forget her.   She’s the one who explained where my son went when he died as my 2-year old daughter repeated the same phrase over and over and over for days, Where’s Brian?  Where’s Brian? until I thought I would go mad.   And then Corey took her in her bedroom, shut the door, came back out in about two minutes and my daughter never asked again.   When asked, Corey simply said she told her that he went to Heaven.

And in three days from now that grown-up little girl at 35 years old will bury her mother.  This is such a fucked up existence.   Why are we given hearts at all?   Color mine breaking right now.


8 thoughts on “Another one bites the dust.

    • Thanks. Yeah, they kinda do. Getting older sucks. This is the third ex that I know of. UGH. I guess it never occurred to me when I parted with any of them that I would see or hear from them again, not meaning that we parted on unkind terms, just figured that’s how life is – you move on. But the internet keeps me in touch with several and I’m always glad to hear of success and happiness…I am not a fan of death, however.

  1. Everyone who has been a part of our lives helps to create what we are today and then, of course, death reminds us of our own mortality. Ugh, there’s just no good way to put it. . . my condolences to you and her family / friends. Peace.

  2. So sorry for your loss! Life is indeed hard and pretty confusing and heartless sometimes (aka f-ed up) but we hang in there and put one foot in front of the other one day at a time. Love and hugs, from my heart to yours.

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