Maysoon Zayid

She just makes me laugh.


Dear Pussy…

(My remake of Dear Penis)

Dear Pussy,

I don’t think you like me anymore.

It used to be just you and me

and, of course, my hand made three

but that was okay, ’cause we liked it that way,

But since that woman’s came along

this has become a different song

You no longer like to get wet

except when’s she’s between my instep

Dear Pussy, I don’t think you like me anymore.

She sings: 

Dear G,

I don’t think I like you anymore

Our relationship just fell apart

when that Kansas woman stole your heart

It seems you think more of her than me.

I’ve never got wet for no one else

it was just me, your hand, and yourself

But she has the softest lips I’ve ever met

and now it’s her that makes me soaking wet

Dear G, I don’t think I like you anymore.

And G, when you’re shaving, don’t forget to shave me.

Just For Today….

(I reposted this from someone else, who reposted it from someone else who reposted it …. and well, you get the picture)

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.

Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.

Happy Late New Years!

I hope all is well with all of you, and I definitely hope your year has started out positive. 

I’ll be moving in the new two to three weeks, my 6-year-old grandson has surgery tomorrow and I am home from my two-week holiday vacation in Florida.  Life is good.  Life is good.  It could be better as it could be warmer than 23 but I’ll take it and wish for warmer temperatures next week.

Hellos to you all and I will write more when I’m settled if not before.  Cross your fingers for my little grandson and send out those positive vibes.  I’ll take all I can get.

I am grateful for life, for my family, for my health and for a new start to a new year.