Well, I’ve lost yet another ex-lover…this one to lung cancer. Heck, I could have predicted that really. When we were thick as fleas in our 20s, she had a raspy voice then, that I thought was so sexy. Of course at 21, I’d barely heard of Bette Davis. We smoked like we thought cigarettes might go out of style any minute. Eventually I had the good sense to stop, as with all my other vices. She did not.
She would have turned 58 about two weeks ago.
We’d lost touch over the years. I last saw her in 2004, I think it was. She still looked the same. Tanned and weathered, raspy as always. Our children shared three birthdays in a row – her daughter, my son, her son. I’m sure her daughter doesn’t even remember me, but I’ll never forget her. She’s the one who explained where my son went when he died as my 2-year old daughter repeated the same phrase over and over and over for days, Where’s Brian? Where’s Brian? until I thought I would go mad. And then Corey took her in her bedroom, shut the door, came back out in about two minutes and my daughter never asked again. When asked, Corey simply said she told her that he went to Heaven.
And in three days from now that grown-up little girl at 35 years old will bury her mother. This is such a fucked up existence. Why are we given hearts at all? Color mine breaking right now.